Now That They Are Grown by Ronald J. Greer

Author:Ronald J. Greer
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781426741913
Publisher: Abingdon Press
Published: 2012-02-17T00:00:00+00:00

BEGIN WITH A PLAN

So, having decided that your son or daughter is moving back, where do you go from there? Begin with a plan. No, actually begin with a serious conversation about each of your expectations, which will then result in a plan.

Ask your young adult to talk about his reasons for moving back. What does he want to achieve? How is he going to get there? How can you be helpful to him in achieving this goal? How does this goal fit with his moving back? How long does he hope to stay?

You are all working in a collaborative effort to help them with their growth, maturity, and independence. Unless they have special needs, such as a mental or physical disability, their time back home is temporary. It is a launching pad for the rest of their lives. You are more than willing to help them achieve this. Yet in doing so, you begin with the end in sight: what do they want to achieve, and how are they going to utilize the move back home to help them get there?

This "emerging adulthood" stage of their development is only a phase, not a lifestyle. It is a process. It is a phase through with they are working to get to the far side, called "adulthood." Though it may still be vaguely defined, where do they want to get, and how do they need you to help them get there?

Then talk about each of your expectations for the time they are living with you. Build that into as specific a set of agreements or mutual understandings as you feel are needed. You know your kids and their different personalities and levels of maturity. With the more mature and responsible, the "agreements" may be less formal. With those who will be looking for loopholes, you had better be pretty specific about the "rules of the house." Include household duties, hours, music (with headphones), and having guests over.12 It is important that these are explicitly stated since there will be far less monitoring this time around.

As you talk about this game plan and work it out with them, be clear about those matters that are nonnegotiable—the ways it will be different on this second swing. If it is to be adult to adult on the respect end, it will be adult to adult on the responsibility end.

Make sure the agreed-to expectations are crystal clear.

How will the household duties be divided up?

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